A Word on Unemployment

Unemployment. A blessing and a curse.

Since I retired from the nanny business I have had ample time and energy to do a whole host of things that had previously been put on the back burner. I visit the gym and yoga classes on the reg now. I learned how to use the stove. Our house is always spotless sort of clean. Groceries are always usually stocked. I am making my way through a pile of books that were set aside while I was trucking through school and doing the whole super nanny thing.

I change our sheets now.
I meet friends for coffee, lunch, and happy hour.
Sometimes I stay awake past 9:30pm.
I do laundry every week instead of letting it pile up in our tiny bedroom leaving little room for escape in case of fire...
I even shower everyday. Say what you will but when the clock goes off at 5:30am and you don't get home til after 7pm sometimes a glass of wine and bed are all you need.

It all sounds great doesn't it? Aren't these the things everyone thinks about when they are at work? Managing their home life, wishing for just a little more time?

Be careful what you wish for people.

The Portland winter is gloomy. I've found that if I don't get dressed as soon as I wake up I risk spending the entire day on the couch in a groggy state watching bad reruns on netflix. Furthermore, isolation has given life to what some may consider an unhealthy level of dialogue happening between myself, the dog, and the cat.

I pity my husband who returns in the evening exhausted from work looking for some peace and quiet only to be greeted by his wife's motor mouth going a mile a minute talking about god knows what since seriously? All I have to report is whether or not the dog pooped and which neighbor left their stuff in the dryer all day.

To be fair, Mitch has been very supportive. He often comes home on his lunch hour and takes me out to lunch to get me out of the apartment and to keep me out of the dark place. He has encouraged tolerated and funded all of my new found hobbies and DIY projects. When he sees that I'm feeling defeated he takes me to my favorite boutique and buys me pretty things. Lastly and most importantly, he never makes me feel bad for being the weak financial link.

At my very busiest, when I was taking 16 credits and working close to 40 hours a week I used to daydream about how blissful it would be to escape from it all. The way I spend my days now would have been accompanied by harps and angels singing. Now when I'm feeling bored and life is looking mundane I try to remind myself of the days when I yearned for time to scrub the shower and read chick lit.

I am constantly reminding myself to be present and grateful for where I am today. Life is good. I am a newlywed! We are financially stable enough for me return to school, or find a new career path. After quite a few busy years and a couple of crazy months I have been given the gift of some down time. I do miss going to work. Perhaps more than that I miss depositing a paycheck. I really thought I missed doing something meaningful with my time, but isn't the journey always meaningful? I may not be earning money but surely there is something to be said for transition and self discovery. Surely there is something to be said for putting time and energy into our home.

Moral of the story people?
The grass always looks greener on the other side. Do your best to accept and be grateful for wherever you are today.

Hutchelo Wedding Recap

Once upon a time a lost twenty something moved to the west in search of a new beginning. She landed in a magical place called Portland. She never could have envisioned the life that would unfold before her...

You know what? Scratch that. I'm not about to perpetuate the fairy tale that gets us girls in trouble on THIS blog.

Once upon a time a lost twenty something followed a boy across the country. When that shit blew up she gave life and a new city a try on her own. After many nights of tequila shots and self loathing, she managed to finish her decade long education, make some amazing friends, and recover from the relationships she'd had with fellow lost self loathing twenty somethings she'd met along the way.

Then one fateful day she went to a bar and found love when she least expected it. They lived happily ever after <3

Who says you can't find love in a bar?

I'm here to tell you that you absolutely can, and I did.

I met my very best friend and love of my life in a neighborhood bar just over a year ago. A week ago today I married him.

The Hutchelo wedding was really the event of the season. It was an unseasonably perfect January day in Hood River in a little villa on the water. An intimate ceremony was planned with only immediate family in attendance. At 4pm the bride and groom began their walk down the aisle to the timelessly romantic song "You got what I need" by Joshua Radin. The bride grinned from ear to ear for the duration of the ceremony, particularly when she was surprised with a perfectly sized ring. Little known fact, the bride has freakishly small fingers and had to have a size 4 ring specially made. She had given up hope that her ring would be ready in time for her wedding day but the groom was very sneaky and switched out the rings under the brides radar the night before...
The ceremony was performed by one Ruth Mathis, a long time family friend and Pastor of the Windsnes/Hutchinson clan. "The Art of Marriage" was recited before the bride and groom repeated their vows. The sun had just begun to set as they said "I do" and sealed it with a kiss. In need of a moment together as a new married couple, they made their exit back down the aisle to "You make my dreams" by the one and only Hall & Oats.
When the bride and groom returned they were greeted with hugs and congratulations from family and cocktails served by their favorite bartenders and friends from North 45. The bride and groom were pleasantly surprised after dinner with an original love poem written and read by the grooms stepfather and a slideshow documenting their romance to the music of Alexi Murdoch compliments of the grooms sister and brother in law. The icy hearted bride shed tears of joy.
The next morning the bride and groom looked out at the river and the mountains and were greeted by a double rainbow. True story.

I'm fairly certain they live happily ever after.

Moral of the story? Drink up kids. Your might just find your soul mate at the bottom of that glass!

Back on the Wagon

That's it. It's official. I miss ranting via the world wide web about the everyday mundane events of my life. I am certain that anyone who happened to stumble upon said rants in the past MUST feel the same way... So for the sake of everyone involved, I'm back. Your welcome :)

Quick recap. Just kidding. It probably won't be quick. Updating this blog has crossed my mind often over the past few months. I mean, I feel that you deserve to know when my boyfriends 80 pound dog drags me into a face plant on 21st Avenue. That's just funny (and painful on so many levels...). You also deserve to be updated on my regular creeper encounters. I haven't lost my touch people. They still come to me. My daily encounters are as absurd as ever. I still have things to say, so today my friends, marks the return of the rant.

Here is what is new. I'm twenty nine and a half which means that I should really be wrapping up my quarter life crisis, like, any day now... I think I'm about to create a whole new crisis for the lost thirty somethings but lets not get ahead of ourselves. I still have six months to try and pull it together (whatever that means).

The real problem I'm running into these days is defining "having it together". The older I get and the more I live, the more I realize that my definition doesn't match that of my parents, or even most of my friends. I think I've always known that, so the bigger picture these days is trying to decide what "having it together" means for me and ignoring judgement from the many all knowing best of intentioned advice givers in the world.

Does anyone really have it together though? Won't there always be uncertainty in life? Won't there always be bad days, bills to pay, and obnoxious obligations? We are all faced with challenges everyday ranging from tedious nuances to real dilemma's and tragedies. That will never change. This is life. I for one have spent a lot of time glorifying certain milestones and occasions in my life. I think we all have a picture in our minds of what our perfect life looks like and what it will take to get there. Paying off the credit card or the student loan, buying a house, meeting the right person, getting the perfect job... I by no means discourage goal setting and daydreaming. It keeps us going. Even if we don't end up where we intended, our goals often lead us to dreams we didn't even know we had. What I am really trying to encourage in myself and others is finding a way to be content in whatever moment you are in today. I don't want my life to be like the build up to prom night or the anticipation of a great vacation that goes by in the blink of an eye. While we are pining away for the next big thing, life passes us by.

Today I am trying to quiet my mind. It isn't easy because I have felt a lot of uncertainty since graduating in the spring. My mind was immediately racing. What next? I couldn't believe I was already contemplating going back to school after all of the anticipation of getting out. In the midst of it all Mitch, Kaia, Til, and I decided it was time to join forces and begin cohabitating in sin. The hundred feet between our apartment buildings was beginning to be too much. We prepared Kaia (Mitch's 80 pound lab/shar pei mix) and Matilda (my 8 pound cat) as best we could with weekly visits but in the end punches were thrown. Hisses were had. I'm happy to report that only Kaia's ego was injured.

Just as I thought things were beginning to settle down and we were all finding our creamy center living together (as Lindsey would say), building renovations began. Oh what fun. We are currently listening to the sounds of scraping and banging from 8am-5pm daily as workers scrape away old lead paint, pressure wash, and re paint our building. Our beloved sun porch as been quarantined for weeks as this process unfolds.

In addition to all of my uncertainty, the merging of lives, wars of the stepchildren, and building renovations, Mitch has been dealing with his own uncertainties at work. As the company he works for is being dissolved he will potentially be looking at some major changes in the next few months. We are both literally in limbo as far as the future is concerned right now. It can feel unsettling which is why I have made it my goal to take a few steps back and realize that life unfolds in front of us no matter what. No amount of talking or planning will change that. All we ever have control of is the very moment we are living in. This reality, despite all of its truth, SUCKS for control freaks like me. I really wish I was one of those calm, composed, zen people who lives in loose clothing and drinks caffeine free tea in a perpetual state of bliss. Seriously? Who are these freaking people and how much does their therapist charge per hour?

In my attempt to be calm and wise I have been reading about mindfulness and meditation. The few times that I have taken a stab at mediation have been EPIC failures. Right now I am only reading. I am trying to get back into a regular yoga practice as meditation in motion has proven to be a better fit for me. I stand by exercise as the cure for a racing mind - but a little mental control wouldn't suck I guess so I shall continue my reading and sharing with anyone who cares!

On a completely shallow and "un zen" note I would like to share one last thought before concluding this welcome back rant.

I HATE rubber flip flops. There. I said it. Rubber flip flops have two places as far as I'm concerned. Suspicious showers and the beach. If I see one more seemingly well dressed girl walking around carrying a designer bag rocking RUBBER FLIP FLOPS I may beat her with my rubber freaking yoga mat.

"But they are only $5!"
I don't want to hear it. How much did the rest of your outfit cost? Fairly certain you can find some sandals at the Goodwill.

"But they are comfortable!"
So are socks and sandals and Crocs. Don't be that person.

"But I don't care that much about what I look like. Its whats on the inside that counts."
I care deeply about all of your warm and fuzzy places on the inside but seriously...
leave em at the beach!

End random inappropriate rant.

I'm still here... sort of.

So... its 2011 now. I'm 29 now... To be clear, my blog is not dead, only my motivation. I am approaching the finish line of this marathon education of mine and believe me when I tell you I am dragging. I need one of those little five hour energy drinks or those creepy little packets of gel gunk that athletes down. I need SOMETHING or someone to just push me to that finish line because I have a serious case of senioritis. My official catch phrase of 2011 thus far has been "I want my life back!"

Let me preface this rant by saying that I am beyond thankful for the opportunity to finish my undergraduate degree. When I came to Portland, finishing school was an important personal goal for me even in the midst of my world being turned upside down. Now, here I am, almost three years later to the day and I have just a few short months to go. The end is finally in sight and I couldn't be happier, or more terrified but the rant of my extended adolescence/quarter life crisis is for another day my friends.

I can't believe that I've been in Portland for three years now. When I think about my journey over these past few years I am overwhelmed and I'm not even sure I can name the emotion I am so overwhelmed with... Pride? Relief? Nostalgia? Joy? Hell if I know. I could sit around all day listening to the array of dark and sappy songs in my itunes library trying to figure exactly what it is I feel about the past but the truth is right now I only want to look to the future. I mean lets face it, 2010 wasn't really my year. My love life was an astonishing disaster, surprise surprise. Finishing school seemed very far away which made the process beyond painful. I really came face to face with a few of my own demons last year which is always for the best in the end but never an enjoyable process. In addition to all of the growing as a person hoopla, I somehow managed to regress in the most basic area's of development such as gross motor skills. I sort of thought that like most, I would tackle this in old age but hey, there is no time like the present! To give an exact number of face plants for 2010 would just be flat out embarrassing but believe me when I tell you that number is higher than it should be for a chick in her twenties. PS, none of said face plants occurred under the influence. I know what you were thinking...

*sigh* Yes indeed I decided to welcome the new year, my birthday, and my three year anniversary in Portland with open arms. I hate New Years, but damn it I celebrated. I HATE my birthday, but I celebrated and damn it, it was the best birthday I ever had. I hate anniversaries of all kinds but damn it I love Portland and moving here was the best decision I have ever made so instead of being a whiny little bitch (I get that the word bitch is totally horizontally oppressive but seriously? Sometimes its necessary)I am embracing this day and every face plant that got me here :)

So here I am, I'm still here. I have so much to say and so little time. Hopefully that will change soon. My life will be mine again in T - Minus 75 days. The countdown is on, stay with me!

Lets play a game called what are the odds?

What are the odds of falling flat on your face TWICE in two weeks?

What are the odds of running into your ex and his new girlfriend under the most awkward circumstances imaginable TWICE in one day?

What are the odds of your heat breaking the very day the temperature drops down into the 20's in PORTLAND OREGON?

What are the odds of the internet breaking on the SAME day the heat bitched out right before all of your work is due for an online course?

What are the odds of realizing that said ex's head is in every single picture you took from a Christmas tree lighting where there were THOUSANDS of people?
Apparently the odds of this happening were about as good as those of a TERROR plot to bomb the entire event.

*sigh*

Seriously?
WHAT ARE THE FREAKING ODDS?

A Word on Nudity

I should preface this rambling by saying that I have the utmost appreciation for the female form. I enjoy being naked just as much as the next girl although I've noticed recently that some enjoy it more than others... Much much more...

The locker room. Case in point.

I admittedly do not spend a lot of time in locker rooms... Whenever possible I show up to the gym or yoga class dressed and ready to get my work out on. On the rare occasion that I have to change I always opt to multi task by emptying my bladder and changing into my work out attire in one fell swoop (ie in the privacy of my own stall). What can I say? I enjoy my privacy. I am well read on women's studies and I am aware that some may view this preference as age old shame but I am here to tell you that that is not the case at all. I love my body. We have a very good relationship. It just so happens to be a closed monogamous relationship. With that said I hold no grudges against women who choose to change "in public". That is what the locker room is there for after all. I am by no means defending my freak of nature habits or calling them the "norm" but my script of the locker room has always gone something like this... You go in, you change, you go work out. Right? Wrong. Very wrong.

There is a new breed of middle aged women out on the prowl. I haven't decided if their mission is empowerment, a mere fetish, or sheer and utter laziness but more and more I find myself wishing that in addition to socks, a water bottle, and my ipod, I had included a blindfold in my gym bag. Since when is letting it all hang out socially acceptable? Here I am teaching Tejal that it isn't appropriate to run around the house without any underwear on and grown women are having tea time in the locker room stark naked?! I mean seriously? If you must carry on a lengthy conversation in the locker room for gods sake put your shirt on! Perhaps a shirt is too troublesome for some. I get that. I mean putting both arms in can be daunting at times... How about a bra? I mean hell, since we're all getting so intimate with one another I'm sure another woman would be willing to help with that oh so tricky clasp. If there aren't any good samaritans in sight might I suggest a towel? I am consistently baffled by the women who choose to discuss world peace in the locker room after disrobing. I admit, that in the maturity department my compass doesn't exactly point due north but the only thought that runs through my mind under these circumstances goes something like this... "Boooooooooobs, boobs, booooooobs, I see boobs." These women could be discussing an exit strategy for the middle east, a cure for AIDS, or a way to end world hunger and the only response I would be able to formulate would be "Booooobs". I get that we're all women but I for one haven't evolved enough to treat the naked body with the same disinterest as the clothed. Apparently I still have growing up to do.

Colonel Summers Park. Case in point.

I have always been fond of Colonel Summers Park. I admit, it is the SE Portland hippy/hipster breeding ground but my free spirited side has always felt a certain kinship with these folks and it is just a nice chill place to lay around, read a book, and enjoy the sun. About a week ago, I was doing just that. I found a nice spot to lay out and catch up on my reading. Shortly after I arrived, a fellow Portland jobless wonder found a comfy spot a few feet away from me. We exchanged smiles because thats what us friendly Portlanders do, and went about our leisurely ways. I layed down, and closed my eyes and fell into that wonderful late afternoon dreamy state. When I opened my eyes to resume my summer read, I was slightly startled to find that my fellow Portlander had also fallen into a relaxing state. There she was. Kickin it in her birthday suit. Yep. Full frontal. Boobs and bush.

I honestly tried to be that hip, evolved southeaster who defines indecent exposure as wearing a trendy brand like Abercrombie and Fitch or American Eagle but really, all I could think was "Booooobs. Booooobs. Naked chick right next to me... Booobssss". Alas, I am immature, unevolved, and instead of being the perv at the park staring at the naked chick, I went home. *sigh*

As I sit here sipping my fourth cup of coffee I can't help but wonder if the saying youth is wasted on the young is true. I mean, maybe being nude in public is a whole lot of fun. Maybe the middle aged nudies are secretly laughing it up every time a modest twenty something gets antsy and fidgity over their nude complacency. Perhaps as we grow older baring it all becomes the least of our worries. If this is the case, I guess my only hope is that I reach this state of enlightenment before my B's go saggy :)

Current Mood - Relaxed

Listening to - Floating Vibes By Surfer Blood

Happy Monday to me. It is 6:30pm and I am relaxing with a Drop Top. For those of you who haven't discovered good beer, that would be the Widmer Brothers Amber Ale. MMM Sweet summer perfection served in a glass bottle :) Who has time to pour it in a glass anyway? Even if I did have time to pour it in a glass (which I so do...) I wouldn't because I have a theory. Bottles are conducive to sipping. Glasses are conducive to guzzling. Three beer queers can't afford to guzzle my friends.

This Monday has been especially leisurely. Usually, I would just just be leaving Tejal and Uma or at best searching for parking. My sweet little girls have lots of family in town this week and no need for their "Nana" so here I am! Is it sad that I would rather be with Tejal and Uma than off all week? Don't get me wrong, I find myself exhausted and loving some R&R from time to time, but I get it every other day! Yes, you heard me correctly. I spend three long days at my second home with the little princesses who I nanny for and I am off the other two, in addition to a week off here and there than I didn't even ask for! I know... I love my life. Don't hate. Scheduling is a HUGE Nanny perk. I had Fridays off when I was a nanny in Maryland. Oh how I loved my three day weekends! I love it when a family member or friend I haven't seen in a long time asks me when I'm going to be finished school or when I'm going to get a "real" job. Hmmm. Lets see. I get paid to share in the joy of watching two amazing little girls grow up. I get to see the firsts. I get the hugs and kisses. I get the laughter. We sing, we dance, we play. Right now we are in the middle of what I call "Park Palooza" where we visit every park in a ten mile radius. Sometimes we throw impromptu dance parties in the living room just for kicks (PS, I take credit for all of the girls really bad dance moves). Hell, Tejal even knows how to make me my cup of coffee! Before anyone calls social services I should mention that this only involves inserting a K cup into the machine and hitting the brew button and she loves doing it :) I essentially enjoy all of the great things about parenthood, but I get to go home at night and hit up HAPPY HOUR. WHADUP! SO to answer your question (lame ass who sits in an office all day) raising children IS a real job and its way cooler than yours! It does of course come with its challenges but those challenges are always worth it :)

SO. For the past three days I have been flying by the seat of my pants around P Town. Running, going to yoga, and lounging around at the park in the sun.

New development in my life. I recently ditched my gym membership at NW Women's Fitness in NE Portland and joined 24 Hour Fitness in the Pearl (just a few streets away from my apartment). Parking has proven to be such hell in the city that I have recently been talking myself out of going to the gym for fear of losing my treasured parking spot. Ok, so there obviously aren't assigned spaces but anyone who lives in the city knows that you eventually find a lucky spot. I have a lucky spot (Reveal where it is? NO CHANCE! Its MY SPOT) that is open more often than not when I am getting home from work. I instinctively go there and it is always shocking when I find that some numnuts missed the memo that it was my parking space. In my history of parking in NW Portland I have found that if my spot is taken, the chances of finding another spot are slim to nil. If MY spot is taken, I can count on circling the city streets for no less than twenty minutes in search of some other poor suckers spot. Its a vicious cycle I tell you and ultimately it was making me fat and possibly mentally unstable. I am quite certain that city congestion and limited parking is a cause of agoraphobia... I apologize to NW Women's Fitness. You were a good gym. You had the cool vitamin D light room. You had fountains and soothing music in the locker room. I didn't have to shave my legs to work out with a bunch of middle aged chicks... Losing my parking spot vs Having to shave my legs... Damn it. I'm still not certain I made the right call.

Ahhh 24 Hour Fitness. Welcome to the meat market. Let the grunting begin. In fairness, I have found that so long as I avoid the gym between the hours of 6pm-8pm on weeknights, the people are tolerable and those who are intolerable are at least amusing. My most favorite thing is when a guy hops on the treadmill right next to me when there are twenty others open and starts sprinting as fast as he possibly can. Inevitably, 3-5 minutes go by and the doofus is exhausted. Not being able to maintain such an ambitious pace, he slows down, gets bored, and ultimately walks away with his tail between his legs. Two words. Planet Penis.

A. Don't do that.
B. Going into cardiac arrest doesn't impress me.
C. Seriously?

Remember that time I listened to 107.5 for a week just for kicks because the song lyrics were so asinine? I think meat head observation just became my new favorite past time :) God I love my life.